Super Weekend

I am so far behind on this blog. But I swear I'm going to catch up. Eventually.

Our annual Super Bowl party was far more epic this year than it has been in years past. We may have invited too many people, but we were at least able to find seating for everyone. Mostly. And there was so much food that I was eating leftovers for the rest of the week. Feeding everyone has never been a problem for us.

The weekend actually began Saturday night, though, when I decided to host an old-fashioned sleepover. Kevin went down to Zach's and some friends came over for dinner, movies, and games. We've been doing bimonthly* lady's nights, which have been a ton of fun. And this way I could host without worrying about everyone getting home after a night of drinking. We had a lot of fun watching Magic Mike XLL and almost every music video Beyonce has released.

In the morning we made breakfast, which is actually one of my favorite meals to prepare for a larger group. There are so many possibilities, and since Kevin only occasionally eats breakfast, I rarely get to make anything elaborate. I seize every opportunity I have. After breakfast we played games, watched Magic Mike XXL again, and slowly people started to trickle in for the Super Bowl.

We got a pony keg and brought another couch downstairs to accommodate everyone. People still ended up sitting on the floor, though. We just didn't quite have enough seating for the 12 or so people who came to the game. But it all worked out, and there was plenty of food and beer to keep everyone sated.

All in all it was a great party, a great game, and a great weekend.

*Apparently bimonthly means both "every other month" and "twice a month" because English is stupid. I'm using it to mean "every other month"

TTC

I have gone back and forth on this post. Common knowledge says that you don't tell anyone when you're trying to conceive. Apparently it will force them to picture you having sex. Which, I've been living with my husband for over five years now. The only thing that really changed is that I stopped taking a pill every day and started taking my temperature instead. And then there's the chance that it will take a really long time to conceive, or that you won't be able to at all, and that the grief that comes with that really ought to be a private grief.

Which is not something I really believe, as you can see by the fact that I've decided to go ahead and post this. Part of it is that I'm definitely a member of the Facebook generation. Does life even happen if you don't post about it online? But a bigger part is that I feel like all this secrecy leads to a culture of ignorance and misinformation. No one will talk about it, so you end up having to do a whole lot of research on your own. And then try to sift out the bad information from the good information, which can be hard even if that is a skill you have. It all feels a little lonely and backwards - cutting off your support network in case you need them.

Not to mention the wealth of dietary and lifestyle changes that come into play when you start trying to conceive. Changes that you're supposed to hide along with the fact that you're trying to make a baby, even though that's impossible when it comes to the people who know you well. I can come up with an excuse to skip the odd happy hour with coworkers, but my close friends will notice when I'm opting for tea instead of wine at a party.

More than any of that, though, is that a lot of this is weird. And it sucks to not be able to talk about that. It's weird to suddenly flip the brain switch from "no pregnancy" to "please pregnancy". You react to your periods in a completely different way. The two weeks before your period become this intensely stressful time when all you can do is wait and you can't even have a damn beer to help you through it.

You start taking your temperature first thing every morning, because that's what everyone says to do. And there are apps built around this, that help you chart your temperature and determine your ovulation day and scan for early signs of pregnancy. And you wonder if this is maybe driving you a little crazy. Do you really need to take your temperature first thing every day? (YES YOU DO!) It's worst when you really have to pee, but you can't get out of bed until the thermometer beeps because you'll mess up your data. I got so paranoid that I wouldn't even let myself go to the bathroom if I woke up in the middle of the night, in case it messed up with my data, and I just lay there for hours trying not to think about how badly I had to pee until the clock ticked over to a reasonable time for me to take my temperature. It's supposed to happen at the same time every day, but I was really working with a 3-hour window. And twice so far I've just said screw it and threw out the data for that day.

And at the end of all that you end up with a chart that must be interpreted by experts. Is that temperature drop an "implantation dip", indicative of pregnancy, or does it mean the luteal phase is over? Did your temperature increase again because you're pregnant or because you slept in this morning. The truth is that all of this data is essentially useless without that one key piece of information - the pregnancy test. But it's another week before you can take one. In the meantime you've got the kind of cramps that you don't usually associate with PMS. Is it pregnancy, or did you eat some cheese and forget? Should you be paying closer attention to your cervical mucus. How?

Throughout all of this, you're alternating between scouring the internet for more information/reassurance, and avoiding it completely because people are crazy. And because some of the stories get to be too much. This woman has been trying unsuccessfully for a year now. This one has miscarried four times. This lesbian couple is on their third round of IVF, and how many more can they afford? Oh god, could it really take five years to have a kid? How much are you actually willing to invest in this?

You try to maintain an attitude of tempered hope. This will work, but it's okay if it doesn't. It's not the end of the world. There are options. So many options. Still, this will definitely work. And it won't take forever. And there won't be any complications. But if there are it's normal, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Until it does. But it's far too early in the process to be going this crazy over it all. Then again, obsessive planning is your default response, and more information is good. All knowledge is worth having, right? Except maybe knowledge about cervical mucus.

At the end of the day, writing is what gives me perspective. So I chose to write about this whole process and share it with all of you. If you don't want to read about it, you don't necessarily have to. But maybe someone will recognize themselves and know they aren't alone. Maybe one day I'll look back on this post and laugh at how obsessive I got. Maybe I will, somehow, become even more obsessive in the months to come. Who knows?

For now, I will just go with my gut and overshare. And if it takes forever to get pregnant, or if I miscarry the first one, well, I'll probably talk about that, too. I have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut when there's something I want to talk about. And this is the easiest place to spill.

New Water Heater

One of the unmistakable signs of adulthood is getting really excited about large appliances. Kevin and I have been talking about getting a new water heater for years. Literally. The one we had held just about enough water for one of my showers. Kevin takes shorter showers, so he never had an issue. And for a long time he didn't believe that we did have an issue.

But I finally convinced him, and a few weeks ago I came home to discover that he'd gone ahead and bought a new water heater and gotten it installed while I was at work. Best Valentines Day surprise ever. Except maybe for that time he conspired with my mom and flew across the country to surprise me. What I'm saying is that I let out a very similar squeal and did that same dance when I saw the new water heater.

Life has definitely improved since the new water heater got installed. I don't have to get up half an hour before my alarm to run the hot water so I can be assured of a hot shower anymore. God, I already can't believe that was an actual thing I was doing. Moreover, the hot water doesn't suddenly cut out while I still have conditioner in my hair. I can actually fill up the tub and take baths. Our dishwasher has miraculously become a lot more efficient. No more baked on food if we don't wash the dishes before sticking them in the dishwasher anymore, which sort of defeats the whole purpose. It's almost like we got two new appliances for the price of one (and I'm sure the washer is working better, too).

The point is that we should have done this years ago.

And hopefully this will motivate us to tackle the rest of the house to-do list.

Yoga Wrap Up

I made it through the 30 days of yoga challenge. Sort of. It took me about 40 days to get through, because it turns out that I can't commit to 30 minutes of yoga every single day. Fridays are especially hard. If I go out after work, I won't be home for long enough to squeeze in the 30 minutes. But I kept chugging along and eventually made it to the end of the series.

Then I put on the video for the 30th day and it was introduced as a freestyle, do what you want treat for the final day. And that's the opposite of what I want. I started watching the videos so that someone else would tell me what to do. I need that structure. I'm awful at coming up with my own routine. Even if I know all the pieces. I just can't put it together into something reasonable, and I always stop after about half a workout.

After that, I just lost momentum. I tried another video, but I'd taken off for long enough that I was back to all the old aches and pains from my first forays into yoga. It was frustrating. Especially since some of the poses had started to come easier. And the cure is obviously to keep doing it every day. Or 5 days a week at least, which I can manage easily. But once you stop it's so hard to get started again. Especially when your husband just wants to watch TV and work on the puzzle and you know you ought to treasure the time together since he's leaving soon.

But he is leaving soon. Monday, in fact. At which point I'm bound and determined to get back into a routine. And stick with it this time. Even after he comes home. I will figure out how to make this work. And I will touch my toes before the year is out.

Blizzard

Winter took it's sweet time showing up this year. Christmas was a balmy 75 degrees, and even into January we weren't seeing temperatures much lower than 40. But the temperature finally dropped and a storm came through, giving us our first snow of the season.

It started last Wednesday with a light dusting. We only got about an inch, but the temperature plummeted so quickly when the sun went down that all of the roads in the area became a sheet of ice. It shook people up even more than normal because we knew we were getting hit with the blizzard starting Friday evening. The snow wasn't supposed to start until late Friday afternoon, but a fair number of people didn't go to work. The whole morning was bright and clear and eerily quiet, like some sort of ghost town.

There was a lot of concern about the evening rush hour. Everyone wanted to get home before the snow started and caused a mess everywhere. And I was a little worried that they'd decide to shut down the trains early. So I went home at 1, even though the snow had just barely started. Kevin had stocked us up with food and alcohol, so once I got home we went into full hibernation mode. We set up our extra mattress in the basement with plenty of pillows and blankets and parked ourselves there with food and wine, only venturing out to walk Kina while we could still get to the park.

On Saturday morning we woke up to a surprising amount of snow. Kevin and several other neighbors spent the morning beginning to clear off the sidewalks, and Kina had fun running around the snow maze with the German Shepherd who lives next door. It was nice to be able to let her run around without her leash, since the snow kept her from going too far. That stopped once we'd dug out to the street and the Bobcat started plowing the roads. By the afternoon there were too many other dogs and too much open space to let Kina roam free, but she had fun while it lasted.

We spent the weekend huddled up watching TV and playing games. We were lucky in that we never lost power. And both our neighbors and our HOA were great about snow removal. The snow had finished falling when we woke up Sunday morning and by Sunday afternoon our whole neighborhood was completely dug out. The rest of the area was not so lucky.

On Monday, the trains weren't running above ground, so I elected to take a sick day and stay home. It was a little strange to be taking a snow day, especially since we had no problem getting to Safeway in the afternoon and the snow had long stopped falling. But it was nice to get the extra bit of vacation.

The trains still weren't running to my stop on Tuesday, but I didn't feel like I could justify taking another sick day. I took the car we'd dug out and drove to work. The commute wasn't even too bad, since the government and schools were still officially closed. And warmer temperatures meant that the roads were clear and most of the snow banks were well on their way to melting.

It was a fantastic weekend. I'm always glad for an excuse to just hang out at home for a few days, and the snow was gorgeous. I hope we get more snow before the season ends this year, but I'll be content with a few inches. One good snowstorm is enough to keep me sated until next year. Not that I'd mind getting stuck at home again. Especially since I have plenty of sick time to use if it does happen.

The Opposite of Hibernation

Traditionally, January has been a month to stay in. We don't make plans, we don't go out. We just cover ourselves with blankets and enjoy being home. But that hasn't been the case this year.

Kevin's company hold sits holiday party in January instead of December, which definitely makes it easier to fit into the schedule. It was thrown on the same day he got back from three weeks in Hawaii. So instead of spending his first night back at home, we went down to the Ritz-Carlton in Arlington. His company was generous enough to pay for the valet and provide us a steep discount on the room for the night.

The party itself was pretty spectacular. I got to meet Kevin's new colleagues and their partners. They were a fun group of people, and between the open bar and that fact that we were staying at the hotel we had a lot of fun. The next morning was a little rough, as Kevin was fighting both a hangover and jet lag. It took us a while to get home, but the night was well worth it.

That Sunday, Zach and Sarah came over to watch the Seahawks and the Redskins in the first playoff games of the season. We had a lot of fun playing games and drinking beer while we watched football. And even though Washington lost, they made it further than I could have hoped for at the beginning of the season.

The next weekend we had planned to host one of my high school friends who was going to be in town for a funeral. I was looking forward to seeing her, but due to a mixup she had to cancel at the last minute. Instead we went down to Zach and Sarah's for another evening of games and football.

That week my aunt was in town for business, so we went out to dinner with her one night. It's nice that her work brings her out this way as often as it does. We don't get to spend much time with her when she's in town, but we always take the opportunity to catch up. This time we went down to a tapas restaurant in Clarendon and enjoyed sangria and tapas despite the freezing weather.

All in all its been a very busy month so far. It's been fun to be as social as we have been, but it hasn't left a whole lot of time for relaxation or recuperation. It's a good thing I had so much down time over the holidays. Our schedule doesn't look to be lightening up any time soon.

Ringing in the New Year

This year, as always, I spent New Year's Eve with Sarah and Zach.

It started the year after college, when it was just me and Sarah and her dog, Lily, and wine (some of which ended up on her wall)

The next year, Zach lived in Colorado and Kevin and I were back together, so it was the four of us, barhopping on Pearl Street and then retreating to my apartment for margaritas and monopoly (or maybe that came first?)

That spring I moved to DC, and by some miracle of the universe, Sarah moved to Pittsburgh in the fall, so we were able to spend the holiday together again without traveling too far.

And so a tradition was born. Zach and Sarah hosted and Kevin and I arranged our travel schedule so that we'd always be there to celebrate with them. We drink champagne and play beer pong and rage cage, and in the morning we have mimosas and play board games for as long as we can stand it.

This year things changed, ever so slightly. I still celebrated with Zach and Sarah. I brought Kina down and spent the night and in the morning we played a couple of board games. But Kevin was in Hawaii, working.

In some ways this was harder than spending Thanksgiving and Christmas without Kevin. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been about family, my blood relations. I spent Thanksgiving with my dad and aunt and the following days were spent visiting my mom and her sisters. Christmas was a quiet affair, but Connor came over for a few days and we drank wine and watched old TV shows. The traditions around these holidays have been in flux since my parents separated when I was twelve, but they've always centered on family. In the ways that mattered, this year wasn't any different.

New Year's Day has come to be about my found family. It's the holiday I spend with Kevin and Zach and Sarah. One of many at this point. But this is the first post-college tradition that we established, one of the things that continued to bind us together after graduation.

It was fun this year, don't get me wrong. The group of people who attend this party is ever shifting, ever growing, and it was nice to see faces both familiar and new. We played games and I had a wonderfully nerdy discussion about Star Trek with some of those new friends. There was a fancy cocktail and plenty of champagne and a dog to cuddle with at the end of the night.

But there was also a subtle loneliness, a little something missing. New Year's Eve isn't one of the holidays that can shift and slide to fit around schedules. We can make a Thanksgiving feast two weeks early. We can gather and open presents before or after the actual holiday. But the new year can only be rung in once each year. And even though I was surrounded by friends, by the bulk of my found family, the most important member of that family was missing.

2016 promises to be a good year. We're turning 30. Most of us are turning 30 on a Saturday, which will make it easy to celebrate with abandon. We're trying for a kid, which will hopefully give us more reasons to celebrate. We already have trips planned for Vermont in February and NYC in April with more of our found family, and we're hosting them in June. The calendar is filling up faster than I remember from past years. Even January, usually a month of retreat and hibernation, has already contained multiple parties.

There are times in your life when you feel like you're suddenly accelerating towards adult hood, approaching important milestones with a mix of excitement and anxiety. Things you want with all your heart that manage to scare you silly at the same time. Graduating high school. Moving into a dorm. Graduating college. Starting your first job. Moving in to your first apartment. Moving in to your first apartment together. Getting a dog.

This is where I am right now. Coming up on the next big milestones and hitting the gas. Time is doing that funny thing where it speeds up sometimes and then slows to a crawl at other times. I'm looking forward to the changes that are coming this year, but part of me is scared, too. The homebody part of my that doesn't want anything to change, ever, must be soothed and coaxed and convinced that change is for the best. The anxious part of me that wants the change now, damnit, just get it over with, must also be soothed and calmed and reminded that time keeps moving forward and all we can do is plan.

I think the manner of ringing in the new year was an appropriate portent for how this year will go. We put rage cage aside, just as we're leaving our twenties behind. And if I occasionally feel lonely in the coming year, as I expect to, it will only be temporary. Traditions come and go and change with the years. Family is forever, and 2016 will hopefully see its expansion.