Wedding Weekend

*All pictures were stolen off Facebook. Also, this got rather long.

The wedding weekend was a ton of fun. But no one told me how utterly exhausted I would be by the end of it. They told me that my face would hurt from smiling too much, that I needed to focus on eating enough and not drinking too much, that the entire thing would be over before I knew it. But no one told me that I would basically collapse as soon as it was all over. At least it gave Kevin and me a chance to catch up on all (and I do mean all) of the television we missed last week.

We're so glad that so many people were able to come spend the day with us and celebrate our marriage. It's especially impressive because 80% of the guests were from out of town. Since so many people were traveling so far, we tried to plan some extra events to give us more time with everyone. We invited our extended families to the rehearsal dinner, organized after parties for both Friday and Saturday nights, and arranged for breakfast to stay open an extra hour on Sunday so we could see everyone one last time. It worked out really well, and I'm glad we got to spend some time with our family and friends outside the incredibly hectic formal events.

My mom and I arrived at the venue just before noon on Friday and quickly discovered that it was far bigger than either of us has realized when we toured it a year ago. We almost got lost on the way to my room, and we definitely got lost when we went in search of the dining hall to meet my dad and some friends for lunch. But by the time I finished unloading the car, I'd more or less figured out the layout of the place.

I'd planned to plant myself in the lobby to greet people as they arrived, but I found myself too busy to really hang out there. By the time I was finished running around it was just about time for the rehearsal, which actually got rained out. We were able to figure out the processional order and go over the ceremony with our officiant, Alex, though.

Then it was time to head out to the rehearsal dinner, where the bar service was a little slow at first, but the food was delicious. And thus began the process of flitting from group to group, making sure that I got to say hi to everyone. This was sort of a theme of the weekend. There are so many people there to see you that it's hard to make enough time for them all. You have to settle for some time with everyone instead. At least we stuck to a fairly small guest list.

Enjoying the Rehearsal Dinner

Nearly everyone else that we invited made it to the after party, which meant a lot more running from group to group to say hi as people arrived. There were also a few too many shots that evening. And while I was sure I made it to bed by midnight, my Fitbit informs me that I was out past 1 AM.

On Saturday morning I woke up with a hangover, unable to go back to sleep because of the too bright sun and the million things I needed to do. Kevin and I were at breakfast almost as soon as it opened. Then we went back to the room where I showered and did my hair while Kevin napped.

The bridesmaids, the best man, and I had a 10:00 appointment to get our nails done. It was a lot of fun to hang out, although the process of getting fake tips is way more involved than I remember it being. Of course, it's also been over a decade since I got fake nails, so perhaps my memory is faulty. The spa was on the small side, which meant that our appointments were staggered and it took a little longer than I'd expected. But we made it back to the venue for lunch. Then we had just enough time to drink a couple of mimosas and get pretty for pictures at 2:30.

I'm really glad we decided to take all of the family pictures before the wedding, and they all showed up early to see the first official look of the dress (and the tux, honestly). Our photographer had staged a nice entrance that we messed up when Kevin turned around too early and I tripped on the stairs. Oh well. It will make for more spontaneous photos, which are always more fun.

Kevin and (some of) his guys

After the first look we cycled through pictures with parents, siblings, extended families, and finally the bridal party. We finished up right around 4:00, and went to hide while the rest of the guests arrived and sat down. By that point my feet were killing me, so I welcomed the opportunity to sit down for a bit. If I had to get married again, I probably wouldn't try to wear new shoes for the wedding. I really wish I'd had time to break mine in some more so I could have worn them for longer.

The wedding party

The ceremony was short and sweet and lovely. I believe our sense of humor came through, with the Calvin and Hobbes and Isaac Asimov readings we picked. And I may have slightly improvised my vows, but it all worked out. I'd figured out most of them before hand, but then I wanted to add a couple of things when I heard Kevin's and ended up flubbing a bit. The good news is that no one heard them anyway, thanks to the wind that decided to gust right during our ceremony. And I must say that although I've walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid three times, walking down it as a bride is an entirely different experience.

Resting our feet

After the ceremony we signed the paperwork, took a few pictures with just the two of us, and it was time to party. The most stressful and overwhelming part of the entire day was arriving at the cocktail hour. There were suddenly a million things to do, and everyone wanted to congratulate me and say hi right away. But I ignored everyone and ran to the bar to get a bottle of water and handed my shoes and flowers off to our wonderful coordinator. Then Sarah and I disappeared to tie up my bustle, and I was finally able to go say hi to the guests. We also got some fun pictures with the Mudders next to a North sign that I'm really excited to see.

Signing the license

Dinner was delicious, and I'm glad Kevin and I decided to sit apart from all of our guests at a sweetheart table. It gave us a few precious minutes to eat and be together and decompress slightly from the crowd. It also made us feel like a king and queen ruling over our court. I'm also glad we had a coordinator to handle all of the details on the day of. We didn't need to worry about herding people or finding the cake or favors or anything at all except enjoying ourselves. I highly recommend hiring someone to deal with all those details. I can't even imagine how stressed I would have been if I'd had to juggle all of that on top of everything else.

We were seriously far away from the rest of the tables

Zach and Sarah's combined Best Man/Doctor of Honor toast was absolutely perfect. They compiled a top ten list of the reasons "we are gathered here today", which was a lovely callback to a college tradition. Then we started dancing and running around to visit with as many people as we could. For all that I was worried about getting too drunk, I found myself with barely enough time to drink. Then again, I wasn't carrying around a bottle of champagne, like Kevin.

Champagne

We skipped the bouquet toss, and I handed the flowers off to my cousin instead, when she asked for them. We also, by happy accident, included a song on our playlist that my cousins had choreographed a dance to. So they taught that to Chev and me and we had fun dancing together when Pharrell's Happy came on towards the end of the night.

She carried the flowers around forever

Designing the playlist ourselves ended up working out really well. People seemed to enjoy the music. And although I'd been worried that we wouldn't have enough music, we ended up having to cut some songs out. I'd forgotten to allot time for toasts and cake cutting. The only thing I might change is to go back and include Garth Brooks' Friends in Low Places. I'd toyed with adding it, and ultimately decided that not enough people would appreciate it. Then my aunt remarked on its absence, because it had been such a hit at my cousin's wedding a couple of years ago. Oh well.

Happy!

The best picture of the night

The evening was capped off by a game a Dr. Killebrew, organized quite effectively by the Doctor of Honor, Sarah. Then Alex and Chev performed a rap for us at the after party, after which Kevin and I escaped back to our room.

On Sunday morning I slept in longer than I have in weeks (7:00 AM, woo!). Kevin and I were the first ones at breakfast, and it was a while before people really started arriving. It was really nice to see everyone one last time before the weekend ended, and we found ourselves making plans to see most of our college friends again soon. We're going to have a very busy June.

After breakfast I took off for home to walk the dog and feed the cat while Kevin dealt with all the details at the venue. Our parents came over for a bit while we opened the presents that people brought to the wedding, then they slowly trickled out. I attempted to go out and run some errands, but soon realized that I was way too tired.

Seriously, I did not expect to be as exhausted as I was. But I guess I'd been running on adrenaline and caffeine for longer than I realized. Kevin's mom mentioned that the same thing happened to her, and they ended up pushing their honeymoon back a day because of it (it helped that her husband piloted his own plane, so their plans were fairly flexible). I'm really glad that we decided to wait before taking off on our honeymoon, otherwise I may have slept straight through Barcelona. This way I'll have rebalanced somewhat and be able to actually enjoy our trip when we leave at the end of the week.

It was completely fantastic to see everyone who was able to come to the wedding. I wish we lived closer to a lot of people, especially family. But with my brother moving here in a few months and my cousin headed to Boston, that may start to change slightly. In the meantime we'll have to find more time to visit Colorado. And more ways to convince people to move to the East Coast. Especially writers and people who own their own businesses and can technically work from anywhere.

Reader, I Married Him

If I've managed to time everything right, then this is my 500th post. Which seems like a pretty good milestone to line up with my wedding day. That's right, as of a few hours ago I am officially a married woman. And, yes, I have been planning this since November.

I don't think there are many people who read this who aren't celebrating with me right now. But I still wanted to commemorate the event on my blog. Pictures and details will be coming at some point. For now it's more likely that I'll be taking a Honeymoon-related hiatus from this space for a while.

Coming Together

We're definitely in the homestretch now.

We've written names on all the place cards and packed up boxes with things that we need to take to the venue for the weekend.

We've paid all of the vendors except the photographer who will get paid at the wedding.

We're bought all the music and pulled together a playlist.

Kevin has his tuxedo and I'm picking up my dress on Friday morning. I wore my wedding shoes to work on Tuesday to help break them in. Now I'm reconsidering wearing shoes at the wedding, because Jesus Christ did those shoes hurt after an hour. Okay, I won't really walk down the aisle barefoot. I have a plan to stretch them out, and I have a pair of backup shoes in case the fails miserably, and I was honestly planning to be barefoot for most of the reception anyway. 4-inch heels or no shoes at all is basically how I roll these days.

All of the presents are wrapped and packed up in the aforementioned boxes.

Champagne for morning-of mimosas has been bought. As has orange juice.

Family members are beginning to arrive.

At this point I believe we've covered everything that we need or want to. A few guests who are coming in from out of town have yet to book rooms at the venue, but I figure that they're adults and nagging them about it is not my problem.

I've finally, finally reached a state of zen. After months of stress dreams and randomly waking up to wonder about this or that detail, I'm letting it all go. There will be good food and music and plenty of alcohol. There will be good friends and family who will continue to love us no matter what. As long as Kevin and I are married by the end of the weekend, it will have been a success. Because that's ultimately the only metric you can use to measure a wedding.

So now it's time to relax and visit with all the people that I don't get to see often enough.

Oh. And write my vows. Fuck.

Easter

Somewhere along the way, Easter became a thing that I actually celebrate.

When I was growing up, Easter was never that big of a deal. Sure, we got baskets full of candy, but that wasn't so different from the chocolate we routinely woke up to on Valentine's Day. As I got older, other traditions began to creep in. My mom and I would always listen to Jesus Christ Superstar, and I still make a point of doing this. My dad would use the excuse to make a ham. Sometimes we dyed eggs, and sometimes we forgot. The years that we remembered usually resulted in a week's worth of egg salad sandwiches for lunch which I always liked more than the actual dying of the eggs.

Since moving in with Kevin I've gone to brunch with him and his mom every year, which is a tradition I can definitely get behind. I mean, who doesn't like brunch? And this year Zach and Sarah brought a new tradition to DC: the jello shot Easter Egg hunt. I can't believe this one didn't start up back in college.

We went down to their place on Saturday afternoon and hung out for a while until everyone had shown up. A couple of trays of jello shots hadn't set properly, so we ate those while we were waiting. After that we his and went searching for eggs, doing the jello shots as we found them. It was definitely the best easter egg hunt I've ever gone on (though it only has one other for competition).

On Sunday we went to brunch with Kevin's mom. My brother, who was passing through on his way home from visiting our cousin in NYC, joined us. It was fun to see people, though my brain was wholly occupied with final details for the wedding.

After brunch I accidentally took a three hour nap, which seems like an appropriate way to celebrate Easter.

Let's Talk About Orphan Black

In preparation for the second season premiere next week, Kevin and I went back and re-watched the first season of Orphan Black. This may be my favorite show currently on the air, and I have high hopes that the second season maintains everything that was incredible about the first season. If you've never seen it, you should definitely remedy that (and you should not read the rest of this entry). There are only ten episodes, so there's plenty of time to catch up before the second season begins on Saturday.

The first and most obvious thing to praise about this show is the lead actress, Tatiana Maslaney. Maslaney does incredible work playing not one, but four main characters and three side characters. She's on the screen in almost every scene, interacts with the entire cast in various guises, and even interacts with herself in some incredible scenes that will make you wonder if she's actually a twin and not just a single actress.

The most amazing bits come when she plays one character pretending to be another. Whether it's uptight Allison pretending to be wild-child Sarah in front of Sarah's daughter, Kira, or damaged Helena barely putting up a front as Beth to cop to gain access to her computer, Maslaney knows these characters so well that it all seem effortless. She can even slip into different accents when a character feels pressure and make it seem like an accident.

What really made me fall in love with this show, though, is its unique examination of patriarchy and all the little ways the system has to keep women down and all the ways that can affect the women trying to live in this society. It's not the most intersectional examination of feminism - we're still focused on pretty, white women who have some privilege of their own. But it still does a good job of teasing out all sorts of aggresions, both micro and macro, and showing the importance of working together to achieve common goals and help with personal goals.

The clones in this story are all ultimately struggling for the same thing - agency. The two main antagonistic groups (both populated almost exclusively by men) are trying to take that from them. The church wants to simply kill all of the clones and be done with it, rid the world of what they view as an abomination. The neolutionists, who created the clones in the first place, monitor the clones closely. They claim it's for the clones own good, but their true intentions are almost certainly more nefarious. It's revealed in the finale that any freedom or privacy they offer is just a lie, a way to throw the clones off the scent so they can continue their work without interference.

This state of constant surveillance and fear affects all of our clones (women) if different ways. Helena was recruited by the church as a child where she was taught that she was special. She was told that she was the original and has internalized the message that she's not like the other clones (women). This allows the church to manipulate and use her for their own ends. It's only through her bond to Sarah that she begins to shake their influence, although she's ultimately too far gone to save. Going forward, I have to assume that Rachel is a variation on this same model. She's working with the neolutionists, and I can only assume that she has also internalized a sense of being different and, more importantly, better than the other clones.

The other three main clones are only just becoming aware of these structures that seek to control their lives. They all react to the news differently, and they all fight against the system in different ways. But it's important to note that they find strength in working together. That the Neolutionists ultimately achieve their victory at the end of the season by driving wedges in between these women and feeding on their more selfish motivations.

Cosima is arguably the most well-adjusted of the trio. She's a scientist, and she reacts to the knowledge that she's a clone by seeking more knowledge. She learns about Dr Leekie and the Neolutionists and looks for opportunities to learn more about them. Cosima is sure that if she can just arm herself with enough knowledge, she can find her way out of the maze. If she asks enough questions, she'll find the answer that sets her free. But that's not how it works. All she ultimately discovers is how thoroughly trapped she is, and how hopeless the entire situation is.

Allison, my personal favorite, reacts in almost the opposite way. When Allison's world gets turned upside down, she starts falling to pieces. She's all about control, and the sense that she's losing control, or worse, that she was never in control to begin with, she does not handle it well. Allison lashes out at everyone as she tries to figure out how to regain her sense of normalcy. She ultimately decides that privacy is more important than freedom and signs a deal with Dr Leekie to get her life back the way it was. Unbeknownst to her, her life is exactly as it was before, complete with monitored activities and secret, invasive medical exams. I almost can't wait for her to discover that she was duped. Her rage is already a force to be reckoned with, and when she finally figures out who to focus it on there should be some serious fireworks.

Finally we have Sarah, arguably the protagonist of the show. Sarah has trust issues, and learning that she was a science experiment does nothing to help this. She's just as angry as Allison, just as curious as Cosima, but she's got years of experience to help her stay a step ahead of the neolutionists. Unfortunately, she can't do it alone. While she still has her brother Felix, standing ever faithfully by her side, the loss of her daughter could very well send her into a self-destructive spiral she can't pull out of.

What I love is that none of these women can take down the bad guys by themselves. Their strengths and weaknesses balance each other out. Cosima's level headed rationalism helps Sarah and Allison stay grounded while their rage reminds her to get angry. Sarah's trust issues make Cosima properly wary of Delphine, and Allison's motherly instincts help Sarah see that she needs to do the best thing for her daughter, not just for herself. The three of them are going to need to figure out a way to work together again if they have any hope of breaking free from the shackles of the neolutionists. It'll be great to see them go head to head with Rachel and learn how she was recruited (or raised).

I'm really looking forward to the second season, which should build on these themes of teamwork, individual agency, and the oppression of patriarchal systems. And also more of Maslaney being jaw-droppingly amazing. Here's hoping for a second season that's even better than the first.

Mileposts on the Road to Adulthood

About a week after my twelfth birthday I was standing in my empty bedroom. The furniture I'd owned since I graduated to a big girl bed was downstairs in a moving truck, waiting to be taken to my mom's rental home. The new bedroom set I'd picked out with my dad a few weeks earlier hadn't arrived yet. I traced the butterfly pattern around the wall and declared myself an adult

When I got my driver's license, the first thing I did was take myself for a long drive through the winding mountain roads that led from my dad's house to my mom's house. I put in my Britney CD, turned the volume all the way up, and reveled in my new-found freedom.

Somewhere in the summer between high school and college I accidentally stayed out all night with a guy I had almost dated a few years earlier. I stumbled home as the sun was rising and entered the kitchen to find my dad brewing coffee. He wasn't happy, but I was eighteen. I was moving out soon. There wasn't any punishment he could inflict on me, and we both knew it.

On my twentieth birthday I had a bit of a breakdown. There was a huge party happening, one that actually had very little to do with my birthday. I sat against a wall in shock as the clock rolled past midnight, and I wondered if I'd be able to handle trading in part of my identity. Was I ready to be a twenty-something instead of a dumb teen?

The final Harry Potter book came out shortly after I turned twenty-one. I read it in a few days, tucking it in between other things I had to do. It wasn't quite like The Goblet of Fire, which I read in a single sitting while my dad put food in front of me so I wouldn't starve. But it was as close as I could come to replicating that experience now that I had other responsibilities. When I finished the book I, along with an entire generation, bid goodbye to my childhood. Harry was an adult, and so was I.

Graduation is a bittersweet time for everyone. I was so glad school was over, ecstatic to be done with homework and tests. I was devastated that my boyfriend and I were breaking up. I was terrified that I didn't have a job lined up. Not knowing what came next, I spent three days driving from LA to Denver all by myself, listening to the Dixie Chicks and sobbing the entire time. So much for wide open spaces.

I was cleaning my small apartment, like I did every Saturday morning when I locked onto my gaze in the bathroom mirror. For a second I didn't recognize myself, and I spent a few moments staring at my reflection. Here I was, spending the weekend scrubbing my toilet. I had a job and an apartment. I was paying my bills and taking care of myself. Was this adulthood? Had I really made it?

There's nothing quite like being responsible for another life. My head was killing me, but the dog needed to be walked. So I rolled out of bed, pulled on a pair of pants, and took her to the park. Amazingly enough I felt a lot better when I got home than I had expected to. Responsibility had trumped my hangover in more ways than one.

The moments that I feel like an accomplished, confident adult come more frequently. They're also becoming more mundane. It's forgoing just one more episode of television because I really should wash the dishes first. Waking up to dog shit on the carpet and starting to clean with barely a grumble. Doing research in order to make informed decisions about my money.

The moments that I'm sure I'll find out it was all just a big joke come less frequently, though I've stopped hoping that they'll just disappear altogether. Is that another sign of maturity?

We're at a happy hour with my work colleagues when I find myself talking to my boss's boss. He mentions that he's heard great things about me, and my fiance smiles and says "She's a smart girl". I wait until we get home to correct him. I know it was meant as a compliment, but I'm a woman. It's taken me too long to feel comfortable claiming that label for myself, and now that I do no one is going to take it away from me.

On Being an Active Alumna

By the time I graduated from Mudd, I was completely burnt out. I hadn't wanted to be there for most of my last semester, and all I could think about was getting out and never going back.

That mindset stayed with me for a long time. While most of my friends returned to campus to visit at least once in our first year out of college, I didn't even consider it. I avoided calls and emails, moved without officially changing my address so the college wouldn't know where to send me stuff, and refused to go to Alumni Weekend. I wanted nothing to do with the college or any of the people there.

Eventually, that feeling began to fade. I reconnected with a lot of the friends I made at Mudd. Kevin and I brought Halloweiner to the East Coast, and we started traveling to see other Mudders. I began to look forward to the five year reunion and finally gave Mudd my current mailing address. It helped that I was finally enjoying career success, a lot of which I could attribute to my education at Mudd. It also helped that, as an alumna, the president's sweeping changes at the school started to make a lot more sense.

Recently, I started to become more active as a Mudd Alumni. We went to a dinner a few weeks back where we heard about some of the current goings-on at Mudd. The panel included a couple of professors and a couple of current students. I didn't really learn anything new, but it was nice to be reminded of the reasons I fell in love with Mudd in the first place and spent four mostly great years of my life there.

This past weekend I attended a college fair as an alumna representative to speak to prospective students about how great Mudd was. I ended up working with an older alumnus, one who had veered away from science and into law. We had very little in common other than Mudd, but it was still fun to reminisce about the school with someone who had a an experience that was so different and still very similar to my own.

The fair was at an IB school, so the students we met were all very smart, and most of them had heard of Mudd. Unfortunately they also seemed to be so concerned with numbers and test scores that it felt like they glossing over the things that I found so special about Mudd. Then again, that's mostly the culture we live in today, where SAT scores seem to matter more than anything else. I lost count of the number of times I had to explain that IB students didn't get special treatment or consideration in the application process because there were just so many of them, that they probably wouldn't be able to test out of any classes, that they could expect to be among intellectual peers (and left unsaid was that this experience would be so much more important than continuing on as the smartest person in the room).

There was one girl who seemed like a perfect fit, though. And perhaps out of the 20 or 30 students I talked to, one who seemed like a good fit was the best I could really hope for. She was smart, interested in computer science, but also passionate about music. She hung around and asked deeper questions about the culture and opportunities at Mudd. Meeting her reminded me of myself ten years ago, and I really hope that she applies and gets in.

I'm more excited about Mudd now than I have been since I first started there. A lot of that is having enough time and distance from the school to appreciate everything it did for me. Part of it is seeing President Klawe in the news and learning about all the cool things she's doing at Mudd, particularly for women in computer science. And part of it is getting actively involved again. I don't know when I'll have time to go to another college fair, but I definitely think it's something that I want to do again.

Final Details

The wedding's getting really close. I'm at a point now where I'm oscillating between feeling on top of everything and freaking out because I remembered something we forgot.

Honestly, we're in a good place and almost everything is taken care of or soon will be. But we only have one more functional weekend before the wedding (the other has been taken over by Easter-related revelry), which makes it feel like it's a lot closer than it is.

Most of what's left is reporting final guest counts and paying the vendors. We'll take care of the florist and the cake this week and I believe we have to pay the venue/caterer next week. We've finalized the times for everything and figured out the seating chart. We finally bought a guest book and found some place cards.

The to-do list isn't terribly long anymore. However, everything left still feels pretty major. We need to fill out all the place cards, which can be done while watching TV one evening. I have my final dress fitting tonight, after which I think I can take the dress home.

We also need to finalize the playlist for the reception. It's maybe half done at this point. I didn't realize how hard it can be to fill a few hours with music. If you have any suggestions for songs, let us know. I think we still need about an hour's worth of music. Maybe more. We also need to acquire most of the songs.

The final bit is the ceremony. We found some readings, and we figured out the legal side of things. But the ceremony itself is still largely a mystery. Without any religious doctrine to fall back on, we need to figure everything out ourselves. This is proving harder than I thought it would be, and we're mostly not thinking about it at this point. Maybe we can just improvise the whole thing?