Princess Dress

I wouldn't normally pick out a red, strapless gown for myself.  This is mostly because I don't have much cause to wear formal wear.  But I also shy away from anything strapless out of fear that it will simply fall off. And I've been long convinced that red is just not my color, despite some people attempting to convince me otherwise.  I currently have no choice in the matter, though.

My cousin is getting married in a few months and has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  It was she who picked out the red, strapless gown for me (and the other bridesmaids) to wear.  I'm incredibly grateful for it.

I picked the dress up yesterday and spent about fifteen minutes dancing around my apartment in it.  It's fun to wear.  I'm super excited to have an excuse to wear this gorgeous dress in public and spend a night dancing with the skirt whirling around me.  I'm even fairly confident that it won't fall off while I'm on the dance floor.

It certainly doesn't hurt that I had to go up a size to accommodate my bosom.  Finding out that my boobs are proportionally larger than the rest of my body definitely resulted in a good body image day (week, month).  It does mean that I have to get the dress taken in around the waist, but that will just result in it fitting even better and looking even prettier.

Naturally, I'm also very excited and happy for my cousin and am looking forward to seeing her and celebrating her marriage.

But this dress!

Blog design

This blog probably looks kind of awful right now.  I'm sorry about that.  I chose the simplest template and haven't bothered to start customizing anything yet.

The monitor on my laptop stopped working.  So I've been hooking my computer up to the (boyfriend's) TV to use it, but the resolution is all wrong.  It's great for watching DVDs, but not so great for reading or surfing the net.  I mean, it works.  But everything I look at is pretty ugly.

At some point I'll give this place a face lift.  But first I need to buy myself a new computer.  One that has a usable monitor.  In the meantime, I hope the layout/color scheme isn't too offensive.  I figured the standard template would at least be reasonable.

Where do I go from here?

I'm 24 with a top-notch education, a wonderful boyfriend, and a great job that could easily become a career. I'm living "the dream", but I don't think I want it. I don't think this is my dream. And I have no idea how to figure out what my dream is, or how to go about chasing it down.

I know how I got here. I basically fell into this life through a combination of luck, opportunity, intelligence, and a complete lack of goals. I took a lot of math and science classes in high school because these subjects were easy for me. This led me to Harvey Mudd College where I majored in physics because... Well, because it was more interesting than math and easier than chemistry. It had fewer requirements than any of the other majors which meant more time for electives.

By my senior year I was tired of it. Quantum mechanics frustrated me. General relativity confused me. Electromagnetism made me want to bang my head against a wall, which I actually did at least once a week. I hated everything I was studying and dealt with it by drinking far too much and smoking more. I remember thinking that if I had to do it over again, I'd major in history or literature. Because what's the point of understanding the universe if we can't even understand each other? With only one semester to go, I realized that the best option was to stick it out. So at 21 I graduated with a BS in physics, and the only thing I knew was that I didn't want a PhD in it.

After months of job hunting, applying, interviewing, and being rejected, I discovered a small company that did cognitive modeling research. Cognitive modeling is equal parts computer science, artificial intelligence, and psychology. It seemed like a good fit. At least I was shifting towards understanding other people while still using my very expensive education.

So that's the field I'm in now, though my job is a bit less psychology and a bit more computer science. Everyone I work with has an MS or a PhD in some field related to this. They're starting to pressure me to get one, too. Except I don't want another degree. The idea of going back to school repels me. I don't even know what I would study. I love to read. I love learning about people. So I'd be drawn, once again, to history or literature. Neither of these degrees is exactly related to my job. Psychology or sociology would be a good compromise. Do I want to base my career on a compromise?

The problem really is that I have a dream job, but it isn't my dream job. I have great colleagues, flexible work hours, interesting problems to solve, and the freedom to pursue a variety of different types of work. But I'm not passionate about it.

So where do I go from here? Do I keep my wonderful job, with it's steady pay and benefits? Do I look for something else to do? Do I bite the bullet and head back to school, pushing off other dreams of a house and kids?

The only solid answer I've really gotten is "start a blog". So that's what I'm doing. This is my place to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. I don't know what exactly will end up in here. I don't know if anyone will even read it. But I'm going to try and stick to it. Hopefully I'll figure out my life in the process.