Discovering Gender

Lately Gavin has been labeling everything around the house as either "mama" or "daddy". Or, occasionally, "Kina". I know enough cognitive psychology to know that humans tend to categorize things and this is the beginning of that. It's a fun stage to watch, and it's interesting to see Gavin start to sort the world according to the rules he's learned so far.

It's also a bit disconcerting, getting my gender roles thrown in my face like this. As egalitarian as our relationship is, Kevin and I do subscribe to some classic gender roles. Sure, we both work outside the home. But I'm definitely the primary caregiver. And I take care of most of the inside chores while Kevin tackles all the yard work. I've always known this and it works for us. But now that Gavin's becoming aware of it, my awareness of it has increased and become more present in my day to day life.

The things that Gavin has thus far labeled as "mama" include: the laundry basket, chap stick, hand lotion, any mug, and most books. Items labeled "daddy" include: beer bottles, bottle caps, the bottle opener, the grill, and ketchup. The leash and dog treats are both "Kina".

While I'm pretty sure Gavin isn't yet aware of gender as a concept, it's pretty clear that this is a precursor to that. He's sorting things, and it won't be long before he lands on things as being either male or female. It's one of the basic structures of our society, so it's going to be one of the first things he learns. But what's really interesting is that, at the moment, I really don't believe he has any concept of being a boy. And I'm excited to see how that process works.

Right now, Gavin emulates both Kevin and I pretty equally. He likes hanging out when I'm washing dishes and loading or unloading the dishwasher. He follows Kevin around the yard picking up sticks.  He tromps around the house in my shoes and loves carrying around empty beer bottles. At some point I expect this to shift so that he's trying to be more like one of us than the other.

At some point "mama" and "daddy" will become "female" and "male" and he'll apply a label to himself, too. I don't know when that will happen. But the fact that I know it's coming has me trying to drink in every moment where he is, essentially, genderless. At least in his own head. I'm positively fascinated by the fact that this isn't really a concept for him, and I'm trying to use that awareness to make myself more comfortable with gender fluidity. After all, who wouldn't want to inhabit a world where a third possible gender is "dog"?