That Dove Video

Dove recently released a video called "Real Beauty Sketches" that a lot of people are talking about. It's been all over my Facebook feed.  So many of my friends are inspired and believe that every woman needs to see this video. It's great if you feel like that, but this video has really been getting under my skin. I'm going to try and gather my thoughts in a coherent way. Just in case you haven't seen it, here's the video in question:

I have a lot of issues with this video. I think the best place to start is my problem with Dove as a company. Over the past few years, they've been striking me as a bit hypocritical. They release videos like this every so often to remind girls that they're more beautiful than they think they are. This one came out in college, and it made a real impression on me.

I knew models were heavily made-up before this. I suspected they were airbrushed. I hadn't realized just how extreme the photoshopping is. Now one of my hobbies is to spot this on magazine covers in the checkout lane at the grocery store. Sometimes the photoshopper didn't do a great job and you can see where the background doesn't quite match up. Other times it's a bit more subtle. Women appear skinnier than they do on TV. Their limbs don't look quite right. They're always a little whiter, especially if they aren't Caucasian.

Dove followed up that video with this one.

Again, I like the message. The beauty industry (and society in general) is trying to sell us on the idea that we need their help to be more attractive. It's great that Dove is pointing a finger at this.

The problem is that Dove is in the same business. They want you to feel bad about yourself so that you'll spend more money on their products. That hasn't changed in the past seven years, and I'd be really surprised if it changed now. As much as Dove wants me to understand that I'm prettier than I think, they also want me to buy an antiperspirant that gives me softer skin when all I actually need is something that will prevent me from sweating.

Maybe I'm jaded, but the entire thing feels like one more marketing scheme. Dove cares more about your self-esteem than all those other beauty companies, so you should give them your money. They actually have you best interests at heart when they're making your skin smoother, your hair bouncier, your armpits prettier (I have serious issues with that campaign).

But the other, deeper, issue I have with all of this is that it continues to play into the idea that the most important thing a woman can be is beautiful. This is everywhere in our society and it's reinforced by these videos. The women in the latest video are reassured when they learn that strangers find them more attractive than they find themselves - though I actually thought that some of the initial sketches showed the more attractive women. The second video reassures us that even models aren't that pretty, so it's okay for us to be slightly less than perfect, too. But only slightly. Notice that the "ugly" pictures are still considered less worthy.

Now there's nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive. Especially since our society makes that such a huge priority. I consider myself a fairly confident person, but I still have issues with how I look. I wish I weighed about thirty pounds less. Strapless tops always make me feel fat because I inevitably spill out of them. I despise my chin. I have a hard time looking at photos of myself. No matter how many times I tell myself that other people don't see what I see I can never seem to see anything else.

All this and I'm actually a pretty conventionally attractive person. I mean, I'm not a super-model, but nor am I a hag.

And for all that my female friends are intelligent, passionate, kind, creative, and all around wonderful human beings, for all the time they spend cooking delicious food, traveling to new places, reading interesting books, and engaging in thought-provoking conversations, I have no doubt many of them suffer from the same insecurities.

The problem, of course, is how much time society spends obsessing about how women look. Never mind that I have a degree in physics, that I have a difficult and interesting job that I'm really good at, that I'm well-read, or that I'm actually pretty good at taking care of my home, my pets, and my finances. I still occasionally feel like a complete failure because I can't seem to lose even five pounds.

Hell. For the past two years I've just been happy if I can get through a month without gaining weight. But I'd be a whole lot happier if I could lose some, too.

Except that, of course, I wouldn't be. It wouldn't fundamentally change who I am or anything about my life if I managed to get back down to a size 6. Society would still be there to tell me that I should lose more weight, dress more stylishly, put on some makeup, and take preemptive action against crow's feet and grey hairs. I'd still know, at least intellectually, that I'm a fairly successful person with a pretty excellent life.

Ninety-five percent of the time I'm happy in my own skin. I remember that other things are more important than my appearance and that the opinions of strangers have no real effect on my life. I focus on my career, I paint my nails bright pink, I get lost in a good book, and I don't think about my chin, or my belly or my thighs. Then something like this comes along and, even though it's telling me that I'm prettier than I think I am, it also reminds me how important it is to be pretty.